Let It Go!

FINE.  I’LL HAVE TO ADMIT IT.  MAYBE THE DOC was on to something.

I had a splendid week, full of energy that I haven’t been able to muster for…I can’t remember how long.   I’ve gotten more of my novel written this last week than I have since NaNoWriMo ended!  Chores done that have languished for ages.  In addition, I’ve slept like the proverbial baby!  A wonderful feeling!

And it began the day one doc told me I might have SAD. That’s Seasonal Affective Disorder, in case you were wondering (seasonal depression caused by lack of sunlight), which is weird because you wouldn’t think California would be too far south for it.

I thought about it as I waited, freezing to death and using the delightful sun as a way to keep warm, for my next appointment.  After about fifteen minutes in the sun, the doors opened and I went in (to warm up) for a revisit with another doc.

Now that my throat had cleared up he was able to give me a better diagnosis of an underlying problem.

Now, two problems reasonably resolved.  I left his office feeling better, finally able to put a name on the face of one of my dragons.  The sun shone down, even as it started its last dance in the western sky just above the horizon.  Energized.  SAD?  I think not.

By the end of the day, I was feeling better.  Not as fatigued.  Able to easily stay awake to watch the late news–something I haven’t been able to do for months. That, in itself was invigorating.  As the week progressed, the sunny days buoyed me, keeping me warm.  I was back to my old self…well, almost. My sinus infection was finally gone too, but the sinuses were still talking in whispers (forever-allergies will do that). I could certainly live with that!

Uncertainty has a habit of dragging me down. When faced with a problem, I must know the why and what so that I can move forward. Not knowing drains me. Just all my exaggerated aches and pains, some with known causes, some not, were slowly draining me.

These last two days grew cloudy, with only glimpses of sun. My energy seemed to take a bit of a nose dive.  And, sadly,  my old sleep patterns returned.  So, now,  new questions arose.

Was it indeed, SAD that pulled me down for so long, or perhaps was the uncertainly, the unanswered questions aiding in the decline?  Or perhaps, with me spending more time outside in the wind, might my allergies and sinus infection be rearing their ugly heads again?  And with my renewed energy, perhaps I’ve been trying to ‘burn the candle from both ends’ a wee bit too much…

I have a dear friend that I can count on to give me sound advise, and I can hear her speaking to me in my mind as I am pondering all of this, “You are over thinking things again, my friend.”

Perhaps I am. Perhaps I should just let life happen and quit requiring those whys and whats. Simply put it all in God’s hands, get out of the way so He can do His job, and move forward.  It is much harder than it sounds, but well worth the attempt!

I foresee this child doing a give and take with that for years to come, but hopefully, when I finally remember to give it to God, I’ll let Him keep it a little longer each time until finally surrendering each problem, each worry — each health issue — forever.

In the meantime, the groundhog has forecast an early spring, so I’m looking forward to renewed energy staying with me for a long time to come, especially if I cloak myself with the promises He has given me.  I can deal with my chronic aches and pains as long as I have Him to turn to.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day and a beautiful Spring to come — watch it emerge with new life and rejoice.